Heartwings Love Notes          

 

 

Heartwings Love Notes 837 - Keeping the Peace Without Sacrifice

Heartwings says, “Maintaining peace is a matter of awareness and flexibility."

My parents tended to discuss their differences at the top of their lungs. Their shouting made me cringe. They must have grown up
doing this. My father and his mother my grandmother, used to have loud disagreements. My mother once told me they would
telephone each other, call and then hurry to hang up. My mother also talked about the "fights" she had with her sister, so she too
was in the habit of loud disagreement. Disliking the discomfort I felt, I resolved when I grew up there would be no fighting in my
family.

When neighborhood children played in my yard, they knew if they provoked conflict they would be sent home. If my children were to
begin fighting I would separate them and send them to their rooms. In addition, if I strongly disagreed with something their father
wanted or said, I would wait until they were out of earshot before I discussed it with him. I had determined there would only be peace
throughout my entire household. No one was permitted to fight.

However, in those days I didn't know how conflict could be resolved while taking people's feelings into account. I have since learned
about conflict resolution and about ways to carry on discussions in a reasonable fashion. The "talking stick" method means one
person gets to speak without interruption while holding a talking talisman. When he or she is done, the next person holds it and has
his or her say. Even young children can learn to abide by this method.

Keeping the peace does not mean keeping silent, it does mean expressing oneself without being judgmental or vindictive. Feelings
can be expressed and people can agree to disagree. What is important is to learn how to express negative feelings responsibly. I
can say, "I feel," not "you make me feel." When I take responsibility for how I feel, others can do the same. When I speak my truth
with kindness, I evoke the same response. When everyone listens, resolutions can be arrived at and peace can be made without
anger, resentment or the sacrifice of anyone's well being.

May you find good ways to keep the peace.

What do you do to keep the peace in your household? Write me with your comments, questions or suggestions. I do love to hear
from my readers.

I love to hear from readers and would be honored if you would comment and let me know any suggestions or thoughts. If a friend sent you this, you can sign up at my web site, www.heartwingslovenotes.com, where more love notes can be found in the archives.

Blessings and Best Regards,
Tasha Halpert
 

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